50 Shades of Grey
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Posted:Feb 20, 2015 1:32 am
Last Updated:Feb 24, 2015 9:51 pm
6257 Views
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I've red the book, I've seen the movie. The movie didn't do the book justice, not that it was that great of a book in the first place. No one can read the book and not see that it was written with the intent of it being made into the movie. It shamelessly plugs various products such as Apple computers, Audi, and Saab with such detail put into the description of these products that it's very unlikely that the author wasn't hoping to link these companies with the movie, or maybe she was hoping for a thank you gift at the very least. 50 Shades also blatantly poaches scenes from other movies such as Thomas Crown Affair, and 9 1/2 Weeks, but doesn't do justice to the originals. The difference between 50 Shades and these movies is that there was more effort put into character development resulting in great screen chemistry, which this movie certainly lacking. It did not build the sexual tension enough for me to believe that this naive virgin would go from not ever having sex, to becoming a willing participant in "the red room of pain."
It also left out some key points like the constant battle Christian has with Ana over her eating habits, her being completely overwhelmed and uncomfortable with his immense wealth, Christian's stalker tendencies, and his need for complete control over everything from clothing, to her exercise routine. It also would have been nice for them to have kept the dialogue during the BDSM, and sex scenes. His words during those scenes are meant to draw Ana in, make her feel desired, beautiful, and cause her to see herself in a new light. Both Christian and Ana are suppose to be on a journey of self discovery that has them adding elements of themselves to creating a unique relationship, and I just didn't get that from what I saw on the screen. The movie also diminishes the importance of four rather significant characters in the book - Kate, Jose, Ana's mother, and Christian's sister. I don't know what the experience was for those that hadn't read the book before seeing the movie, but for me, it all felt a little rushed. I did like how Anastasia was portrayed, but Christian was quite watered down from the stalking, control freak he was in the book.
On a scale from 1 to 10, I would give this movie a 6.5, however, I am still looking forward to the sequel.
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Boudoir Photography for Beginners
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Posted:Jan 9, 2015 9:42 am
Last Updated:Feb 24, 2015 9:50 pm
7622 Views
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So you want to take some sexy pictures of yourself, but don't know where to start. I've put together some tips and tricks from both research and experience that might take your pictures from you just looking good, to having men willing to crawl over broken glass just to get to you. This article will not be about the technical aspects of photography - I am not a photographer, but I've posed and gotten advice from quite a few photographers. This is about you, the model, mistakes you can avoid, and things you can do prior to your shoot to be prepared.
It took a photographer friend 6 years to convince me to do a boudoir shoot. I was nervous as hell, and was sure that the pics were going to dreadful. My was only 2 months old, I was carrying 30 lbs of baby weight still, and I could see nothing sexy about myself at that moment in time. To my shock and amazement the pics were wonderful. I gave those pictures to my husband as a Valentine's present, and he said it was the best present he had ever received. Since then it's been my belief that every woman should do a shoot of this type at least once in their life with a good photographer. Even if you never share those pics with anyone, I can't think of anything else in life that boosted my self esteem the way that first shoot did. No matter what size you are, how short or tall, or any other imperfections we as women magnify by 100, trust me when I tell you that you will see yourself in a completely different way once you've taken the plunge to do this.
If a picture speaks a thousand words, what is it you're trying to say in your pictures? Do you just want to look good, or do you want to communicate something to the viewer? If you're just wanting to look good, you will come out of it with some nice shots, but in my experience, you're going to look posed and stiff. A good boudoir photograph draws the viewer in. It seduces them, and makes them curious about the woman in the picture. Ask yourself a few questions. Do you want your pictures to be classy and elegant, or are you going for completely pornographic? Or both? Do you want these photos to be PG-13, or do you want them XXX, and an inspiration for sex? If you're going to use these pictures on a website, what are you trying to say about yourself? Are you looking for a play partner, or a more serious relationship? Are you a sub trying to attract a dom? If you're a domme trying to attract a sub, and you want to portray that, there are certainly outfits and props you can use to change the tone of the photographs. Maybe you just want your photographs to say "I'm a cute sex kitten, spoil me." Whatever you're trying to convey about yourself can be achieved with hair, makeup, outfits, and the right attitude, but it takes forethought and planning. Showing up at a photographer's place with no idea what direction you want to go with the shoot is not a good place to start.
The photographer can only give you so much in the way of ideas, and regardless of his experience, it's also dependent on how well he knows you. The focus of the shoot is you, and you're the one who should know what you want. I've done shoots where my mind was blank of ideas, the photographer had limited ideas as well, and it was a total grind that left me exhausted at the end of it. On the other hand, I've also done shoots where the creative juices were flowing, and I came away from the shoot energized, and exhilarated. It all depends on how much of your own creativity you are willing to contribute to the process.
You've now got an idea of what you want to convey about yourself in your photographs, but you have no idea how to get that across. Meeting with whomever is going to be shooting you prior to the shoot is key. First, you can make yourself clear as to what you're comfortable with, and what your not. Communication is key. It's a great time to look at his/her former work to see how good he is, and possibly get some ideas. Looking at a photographer's former work is also paramount if only to find out whether the guy is just some no talent hack that picked up a camera as a way to girls naked, or if he's someone who takes photography seriously. It also shows you whether you are on the same page creatively as well. Some of this depends on how you met the photographer. Did you meet this person online? How long have you known them? Did he/she come recommended by a friend? Having someone with at this meeting as well as at your shoot might an idea for safety's sake. This is also a good time to discuss what happens to your photographs when you're done. You don't want to find your pictures all over the internet without your permission after all.
If you're like me, the photographer is going to ask you what you want to get out of your shoot, and your mind is going to go blank. What I do is get online and look as examples of sensual photography. Pin up is something I'm a huge fan of , so I look at a lot of examples of that. I highly recommend Dita Von Teese's book The Art of the Teese/Fetish and the Art of the Teese. I put that as one title because it's kind of two books in one - one half being dedicated to each title. It's got some great examples of fetish and boudoir photography. I also looked up photos of some of the all time great bombshells from the 40's and 50's. It's impossible not to be inspired by Marilyn Monroe, Betty page, or Brigitte Bardot, just to name a few. Those ladies really knew hot to portray smoldering sensuality in a photograph, and you can take what they did and put your own personality into it.
So you now know what direction you're going, now here's a few things that I didn't think about when I did my first shoot. Don't set up a shoot, freak out, and starve yourself in the days leading up to your shoot. There is no amount of weight you're going to lose in only a few days that is going to make any conceivable difference in your photographs. Instead, stay away from things that are going to dehydrate you, or cause you to be bloated. No salt, no caffeine, no alcohol, and drink plenty of water so your skin looks it's best. Make sure you eat at least a little something before your shoot as well - you'll need the energy. No photographer wants to deal with a model that has starved herself for days, looks like the walking dead, is dizzy, and can't think straight. A shoot is a collaboration of ideas and energy, and you can't put either into it if you're in that kind of shape.
If you anticipate that your shoot is going to be more than an hour, stretch. It sounds a little silly, but holding poses, and being in positions your body isn't used to being in for extended periods of time can have you feeling very sore the next day, so trust me, stretch. Get a decent sleep the night before your shoot so you don't look tired. Also, put body lotion on before you crawl into bed so your skin doesn't come off ashy in your pics. Lip balm too, so your lipstick has a nice smooth surface to glide onto. If you wake up and your eyes are puffy, makeup artist's trick...Preparation H - it doesn't just shrink hemorrhoids, it works on the bags under your eyes too. Do not wear a bra or socks for at least 2 hours before your shoot, or you're going to have a line on your leg where your socks were, as well as lines from your bra showing up in your otherwise sexy photos. Same advice for glasses. Unless you plan on wearing your glasses during the shoot, you're going to end up with red marks on your nose showing up in your pics.
If you don't have a makeup artist doing your makeup at the shoot, practice various looks ahead of time. Make up needs to be darker than you're normally used to. You may think you look like a drag queen, but in photos it will show up more subtle, and keep you from looking washed out under the bright lights. Matte red lipstick is also a good investment because it's got a little more durability, and makes your lips look full and luscious. Revlon makes a good one that photographs beautifully, and has a finish that reminds me of rose petals. I love it so much I have 4 tubes of it. Invest in a good primer so your make up stays where it's suppose to, and your skin becomes a flawless canvas to apply your make up to. I recommend that if your going to do some more natural faced shots, do them at the beginning of the shoot. You can always put more makeup on, but once you've hat to take it off, it's never going to go back on as good as when you were fresh faced, and you could possibly end up all red and puffy. Don't forget to do your eyebrows as well, but never ever use black eyebrow pencil, you'll end up looking like Morticia Adams. Eyebrows are the anchor of your facial expressions, especially in photographs, and doing them well makes a huge difference in your pics. Don't do the big smile thing while putting blush on the apples of your cheeks. Once you stop making that face, your cheeks are going to drop, then the blush you just applied falls to beneath your cheekbone, and it doesn't look natural at all.
If you don't happen to be blessed by the goddess of beauty with long luscious lashes, use false ones. Practice different techniques applying them, because you don't want to show up at your shoot to piss off the photographer by waiting the first hour trying to get your lashes to stay on and look natural. Ru Paul recommends cutting them in half because it's easier to do them in two pieces - and hey, Ru Paul always looks fabulous. If they are too wide fro your eye, trim from the end, because they look unnatural otherwise. If your lashes are stick straight and refuse to curl, use your eyelash curler after you've put on a coat of waterproof mascara - it helps hold the curl. Follow that by a non-waterproof variety. The waterproof adds length, the other volume, for beautiful soft lashes. If you have a problem with your mascara flaking, I found that primer took care of that problem for me - Lancombe makes a really good one.
Do not use HD powder containing silica. While it can make your skin look flawless under normal conditions, it looks like you didn't blend your make up and have white patches all over once the flash starts going off. Angelina Jolie had the tabloids thinking she had a cocaine problem because of the white patches that showed up on her face when the paparazzi photographed her on the red carpet a couple of years back, very unattractive. Speaking of blending, blend your makeup down onto your neck and chest, especially if you plan on being naked. You don't want a sharp contrast between the colour of your face, and the colour of your neck in your pictures. Also, keep water on hand during the shoot, but use a straw, you don't want to mess up your lipstick.
If you need ideas makeup wise, Kevyn Aucoin's books are a good place to start. He was one of my heroes. He was a brilliant makeup artist, and a really cool guy. His books are not only full of great ideas, but they're educational, entertaining, and inspirational. He's quoted as saying he saw beauty in every woman he ever met. I also have to have respect for a guy who could transform Gwenyth Paltrow into James Dean via makeup and hair. I've had to replace my Kevyn Aucoin books 3 times now because I've lent them out, and they're so good, the people I lent them to refused to give them back...damn drag queens!
Youtube has some great people on it too. Wayne Goss is simply awesome. He does comprehensive make up reviews, has easy to follow tutorials, and is a pretty funny guy as well. His channel on Youtube is gossmakeupartist. On the pin up side of things, look for Cherry Dollface. She does detailed, easy to follow tutorials, and doesn't talk down to her audience like some do. She also has a couple of tutorials on posing which are helpful for those of us that aren't pros at it. She helped me, and I'm an absolute uncoordinated clutz. Ashley Marie on her channel PinupDollAshleyMarie is phenomenal. She is a good one to watch for instruction on how to do vintage hair and makeup. She's also got some easy to follow halloween make up tutorials that just made me go "Wow!"
Some little things...Make sure the bottom of your feet are clean. You don't want to be on your stomach looking all cute, with your knees bent, your feet crossed behind you, and have the bottom of your dirty feet be the thing that ruins your pic. Details, details, details! Suggestion - paint your fingernails and toenails the same colour. If you're a smoker, you may want to do Crest white strips a week before, the shoot - they really do work. Think about what props you may want to use in your shoot, and bring whatever the photographer may not have. Be creative. I spent 4 hours naked and wrapped in lighted rope so that two photo nerds could test out various filters and extended exposure techniques, and the results were spectacular - although I wouldn't recommend that for a first shoot. Try on all kinds of looks before your shoot, and bring more than you need. It's better have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.
For your first shoot, keep things simple. A first shoot is not a good time to do a black light suspension bondage shoot complete with glow in the dark body paint. Try not to be nervous, put some music on and relax. If you're uncomfortable and nervous, it's going to show in your finished product. You're first shoot is a learning experience. Whether you're doing this with a professional photographer, or your significant other, the key here is to have a fun, enjoyable experience. It's your decision whether to share your photos when you're done, so really, there's no pressure to be perfect. At the end of it you'll now have photographic evidence that you are a goddess - beautiful and perfect just the way you are.
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Sexual Neurosis
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Posted:Feb 28, 2014 6:14 am
Last Updated:Mar 13, 2014 10:31 pm
9568 Views
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Don't you just love feeling of having sex with someone for the first time. The sexual tension of the other person's hands on your body, the feeling of their breath on you skin, your body pressed against their's, the taste of their lips on yours - it's simply magical. Such a wonderful experience that just can't be duplicated, although we try. And the problem is, and I don't know about you personally, but I know many people do, we try to recreate that feeling by over analyzing it. Don't get me wrong, communication with your sexual partners is a very important thing, but sometimes we pick apart sex with that other person until it becomes an instructional manual for them, or a scientific formula. FP*12 +(M*14 + i*23)= O FP = foreplay M = manual stimulation or oral sex i = intercourse O = orgasm - with the numbers representing time spent on each, not including variables for position, dogs on your bed, waking up, time, place, or a sexual attraction quotient. Sometimes it does comes down to that. Don't think I'm right on this? Think about how many sex manuals there are out there. We end up reducing that incredible feeling we had in the beginning of sex with our partners to a laundry list of actions that send us speeding down the road to orgasm.
I came to thinking about this as I watch a documentary(yeah, I'm a nerd) about the search for the illusive G-spot. Surprising the mountain of research put into that magical little "on" button. The documentary brought up some good points such as, are we setting ourselves up to feel bad about our sexual performance by over analyzing every aspect of it? or, Are we taking the spontaneity out of sex by it now becoming a science? It made me think of other questions, such as...If you can't find the G-spot, are you some kind of sexual loser? If you aren't a squirter, is there something wrong with you? How long is an acceptable length for a penis? How long is too long? How long is too short? Are you lasting long enough? Should you be considering a little blue pill? Are you into group sex, and if not, does that make you a prude? Are you into swinging, and if not, does that mean you have jealousy issues? According to statistics, are you having enough sex compared to the national average? If you haven't has sex in a week, is it a sign your partner isn't attracted to you anymore? If you aren't using 2 or more positions during sex, are you a boring lover? Are you a boring lover if you haven' gone all "50 Shades of Grey?" Are you letting your partner down if you aren't constantly challenging your sexual boundaries? If you are pushing those boundaries, how far is too far? Are you good at oral sex, or do you only think you are? Is your partner faking their orgasms? Can you tell? Are you a dominant or a submissive? Are you watching too much porn? How much is too much, and qualifies your enjoyment of porn as an addiction? Are your fetishes normal? And that leads to the next question...Are you normal? What is normal?
Asking questions is a good thing, but are we killing the spontaneity in our sex lives by asking ourselves too many questions? Are we just putting too much pressure on ourselves, and others, by over analyzing something that is suppose to be fun and relaxing? One of the things I wonder is can we ever go back to just enjoying ourselves, and being spontaneous once we've started down the road to asking all these questions? Can't we just fuck and not make ourselves neurotic about it afterwards?
This all brings me back to the beginning of this blog post. Did any of this stuff matter when you had that incredible sex, full of sexual tension, that you could just lose yourself in? Maybe it's less about all the scientific research and technicality of it all. Maybe it's more about connecting with another human being. Just a thought.
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What you don't know...
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Posted:Sep 1, 2013 4:53 pm
Last Updated:Feb 28, 2014 4:32 am
12885 Views
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I have heard many couples say that their only rule when it came to playing with other people is that they want to know what is happening before something actually happens between their partner and another person. Thus was the rule between myself and my husband.
In March my husband and I went on vacation in Costa Rica. One night, just at sunset, we decided to go splashing in the waves, and that is when it all went wrong. The water was barely up to our waists when one huge wave came and neither of us could touch bottom. My husband shouted "Swim baby!" as he pushed me forward by my heels. I took one deep breath and swam for my life. I stumbled toward shore, turned to look back into the darkness of the ocean expecting him behind me, and he was nowhere. I screamed his name over, and over again over the roar of the crashing waves, but he never appeared. It was the worst night of my life, the ocean had taken the love of my life.
The worst phone call in the world anyone every has to make is to tell someone their has been killed, and I had to make that call. His parents could barely understand me through me crying. What was I going to tell our sons? He was their hero. The authorities in Costa Rica searched for him for a week without finding him. I waited and prayed that by some miracle he would be found alive. The only time I left the hotel that week was to speak to the police, and the rescue workers. It was a nightmare I couldn't wake up from. How could this happen to my tall, strong, larger than life husband? How did I make it and he didn't? I sat in the dark of my room, and when I wasn't keeping people up to date with the search, I was trying to block out the sound of the ocean, and crying. The last day, when the search was called off, a wonderful man with the Red Cross handed me a handful of flowers, and walked with me to the beach where my husband had disappeared to say a prayer and have at least a little bit of closure. I sarcastically told him as we walked toward the beach that as soon as I put those flowers in the ocean, Curt would be found. We stood together saying a prayer, I could barely breath, tears streaming down my face. I placed the flowers in the water, they all scattered except for two that clung together - Lionel said that was a sign of our love. 5 minutes later there was a phone call at the hotel, two surfers found him.
I was a stranger in a strange land for those two weeks. I didn't speak the language and had to deal with various authorities to make arrangements with the funeral home, and then to get him home. I spent a lot of time crying. I lost the love of my life, but also the bottom had fallen out of my life. All the hopes and dreams I had with my husband were gone. I was scared to come home because of the financial mess, the literal mess my home and property were in given we were in the middle of a house build, and the couple dozen vehicles all over the place from my husband's failed auto parts business. I was simply terrified.
I did finally come home, and typical for Alberta spring, it was during a huge blizzard in April. My husband's parents and aunt came to get me at the airport, and they treated me as they always had - as though I was their from birth. I felt safe for the first time in 2 weeks.
The first weekend I was home, two of my friends had offered to reformat both my husband's phone and computer so I could give them to my boys. As they were going through both making sure I didn't lose anything important like pictures, or anything else, I heard my name called from my computer room. My friends both had shocked looks on their faces as they told me how sorry they were for what they had found. Dozens upon dozens of pictures, videos, and logs of my husband with other men and woman, or doing things to himself on cam for other people. I was absolutely devastated.
I left the computer and phone sitting on the floor beside my desk for 4 weeks. I had seen enough that day that I couldn't handle seeing the rest of it. Both of my friends had the same reaction - why would a man, who had permission to play with others, go behind his spouse's back and do what my husband had done? This question got the better of me, that, and I wanted to give both the computer and phone away, so I cracked both of them open. What I found was shocking.
The first set of logs I read had him in an online relationship with one of his fellow safety officers. Him fawning over her perfect pink pussy turned my stomach, but what bothered me more is that this woman knew about me, and didn't care. Not once in those logs did he say he had a miserable relationship with me, on the contrary, he told her that he loved me very much, and that I loved him, which made this all that much harder to understand. I threw up when I read that he wanted to book a room at the very hotel that had been our special romantic place and fuck her on every conceivable surface. I shut off the computer shortly after that when I found out that some of the logs I was reading were from when I was with him in Costa Rica. I thought I had been on a beautiful, romantic vacation, with the man I had loved, and who told me he loved me for the better part of a decade, meanwhile he was carrying on with this woman online the whole time. I felt as though my heart had been ripped out of my chest.
A few day later I returned to both the phone and computer. I caught him cheating on me 3 years previous to this, he apologized and had made me think he was on the straight and narrow - this couldn't be further from the truth. I read logs of him telling someone that the very woman he had cheated on me with was the hottest woman he had ever fucked, and that every time he had been down to Calgary on business he was having marathon sex sessions with her. I then read the logs of him telling her how he missed the feeling of her soft skin, and that her eyes were the most beautiful he had ever seen. They then reminisced over the various threesomes they had with several friends of mine. So not only did he lie to me I had all kinds of friends playing me for a fool too, and some of these friends even had the nerve to send me their condolences when he died! And again, this woman knew about me, he told her he loved me, he told her he was never going to leave me, knew I had no idea what was going on, and yet put as much into pursuing this relationship as he did, without one thought as to what this would do to me.
I then found out about the 2 1/2 year bdsm relationship he had with yet another woman who he had claimed he hadn't talked to in all that time. I read how she was very disappointed that he had ignored her when we were at Lupercalia, and paid too much attention to me, and that he could expect severe punishment, because he had been a very bad submissive. When I had seen her face to face she was polite and all smiles to me, knowing I was oblivious to what was going on, and he acted like he hadn't spoken to her in years. Along with those logs were the various videos of him doing things to himself on cam for her while he was out of town at work. He even had a cute pink little collar she made him wear for her. I felt like a stupid idiot.
After going through the over 400 pictures and videos of him with other people, both men and women, and of him doing things to himself on cam, I read the last log. Along with him carrying on with one woman while we were in Costa Rica, he was telling another woman, from this very site, that he wanted to fuck her tight little pussy so hard it was going to be a man hole when he was finished. She, as well, knew about me, acted like my friend to my face, knew I didn't know anything about what was going on, and didn't care. At this point I couldn't take it anymore, I took his computer apart, took a sledge hammer to the hard drive, and used the parts, along with others, to make a new laptop.
I have had people judge me, but as you can see, my situation is not as simple as it seems - my husband had narcissistic personality disorder. He knew this, he knew he was out of control, and he was booked into therapy for when he got back. Unfortunately, he never came back, and because of that, I feel like he never found peace, and that I will never find peace either. I loved him with all my heart and soul - he was my everything. I don't know if this makes me stupid, but I would have forgiven him for everything he did. I do still have questions, because I was with a man for almost a decade who I can never be sure loved me. Did he love me? Was he capable of love? I have to question every time he said I was beautiful. I have to question every time he said he loved me. I have been destroyed in so many different ways. My self esteem is destroyed - I pick apart every last physical aspect of myself, my intelligence, and my personality, because intellectually I know I didn't cause this, but emotionally I feel like there is something I did to make him do what he did. My hopes and dreams with him were destroyed. My finances are a disaster, along with my home and property because there was a lot of money spent on doing what he did, and a lot of time spent online cultivating these relationships. It's months later, I have met someone else, and I still wake up in the middle of the night in cold sweats, screaming, and crying, with nightmares that have me experiencing the night he died like I'm right there. I have moments of blaming myself because I took him down to Costa Rica and got him killed - not rational I know, but I still feel that way. I wake up with the sensation of being on the ocean being pulled under. I have post traumatic stress disorder over that night, but also because of what I found out after his death. I have a very difficult time driving anywhere by myself because I have visions of him with other women - his hands on their bodies, his lips on theirs, him telling them how beautiful they were, him making them fall in love with him.
I wrote this because there are those that have judged me without knowing the truth. There is nothing I could write here that can give anyone a full sense of what it is like to live my life after what has happened. I have met someone else, someone who loves me very much, and is there to hold me when I wake up crying after having yet another nightmare of that night. Incidentally, my husband's parents adore him too, and are happy for me. There are people that say I am with someone too soon, well what you don't know is that I have been alone for far longer than you could ever know. It is very isolating being with someone like my husband. It is very difficult being with someone who is larger than life - they cast a very big shadow, and I ended up standing in it for almost a decade.
Some of you will judge me for writing what I have written. I shouldn't care what anyone thinks, but some of the rumors out there have hurt me deeper than those of you who have participated in the rumor machine could ever imagine. I hope that none of you ever have to go though even a fraction of what I have been though. If there's one thing I can say, it's be wary of the people on this site - there are those who want what they want, and they don't care who has to get hurt in the process. I have made many true, and great friends through this site, but it is also a place that attracts people who are very self centered, and even some who have deep psychological problems.
I just want what everyone else wants - to be happy and loved. It will be a long road going through the healing process, and I am lucky enough to have friends and family that really care about my sons and I helping that along. I think I am on my way to finding some happiness in my life - those of you that are my friends will be happy for me, those that aren't, should stop focusing on me, and find some happiness for yourselves.
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Swing it baby...
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Posted:Aug 22, 2012 9:23 pm
Last Updated:Feb 28, 2014 4:35 am
11409 Views
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Those of you that know me know that I am married.Our journey into the swing lifestyle has certainly been a learning one. At some points it's been a bumpy road, at other times it's smooth sailing. I get a lot of newbie couples asking me questions, and I get that because it can be pretty scary when you're first on the scene. Hell, I've been around for a few years and I'm still nervous as hell. What tips would you give other couples that are venturing into this for the first time? What rules do you and your partner have regarding play? What are the danger signs that keep you from playing with someone? What are the key things you look for in a play partner or other couple? I thank you in advance for your responses
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No drama, no, no, no drama...
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Posted:Jan 19, 2012 7:27 pm
Last Updated:Sep 1, 2013 4:53 pm
11824 Views
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A friend of mine asked - why do people go to such lengths to outright lie? It's called borderline personality disorder - one lie after another, usually designed to make them a victim, to garner more attention. #1 Rule they live by - increase the lie to keep the victim role going to keep getting attention. #2 Hold a pretend grudge over pretend story and never let it go in order to sustain the attention. The question shouldn't be why do people go to such lengths to out right lie, but why are people stupid enough to believe people who always seem to have one drama after another going on around them?
Now I'm not saying that every single person that is caught in a lie, or several, or even every habitual liars, have borderline personality disorder. I just want to make that clear so I don't have anyone jumping down my throat over this. I used to get angry at people who exhibited this kind of behavior, especially when it hurt one of my friends, or it was directed at me, but I've taken a different stance on it these days. It occurs to me that someone behaving like this has got to be incredibly lonely, for that I am sad. To be that alone, that someone needs to constantly try to find artificial ways of getting attention is truly tragic. I try to hope that the person involved in any of this kind of behavior will eventually realize that you do have actual good qualities and that people will like you for the person you are, and that a policy of complete and absolute honesty is the only way to let people see you for the wonderful person you are.
I still will get a little angry when my friends are the focus of some lie, I care about my friends. I can't say I won't feel hurt when I am the focus of it either, but I try and keep in mind, people know me for who I am, those that don't, and would believe anything other than the truth, don't matter, and aren't my friends. It's as simple as that.
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Reflections on 2011
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Posted:Jan 6, 2012 5:48 am
Last Updated:Jan 12, 2012 12:05 am
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Now that it is the beginning of 2012, I find myself reflecting on 2011. This year, although it had a dreadful start, turned out to be one of the best I've ever had. In dark times I learned that I have many life long friends that know me well and will stand by me through anything as I would do for them. In good times, I know that my friends are there to laugh at me and with me. Redy and I have had some pretty hard times in the 5 years preceding 2011. I feel so incredibly blessed for the life I have now that I need to express the gratitude I feel to those who were there for me. Thank-you my friends, you mean the world to me. Special thanks to Ropetop, Xhound, and lottofun44 for talking until the sun came up, doing a big mac run at 3:30 in the morning, laughing with me until we had tears in our eyes, bringing me back to earth, and hugging me when I needed it - words can not express how much I love you.
To my husband redy...contrary to what anyone has said, it is you who is my great grounding force. You hold me when I am in pain and kiss the back of my neck, you fall asleep holding my hand in hospitals, you pick me up when I tear myself apart, you put yourself second and have given up so much for me. Simply put - you bring me juice. You saved my life 7 years ago - thank you for bringing so much joy and love to my life this last year. I'm looking forward to us hitting Toad Rock and waving at boats sailing by the nude beach again this year.
Here's to 2012! May it be joyful, prosperous, and kinky for you all! 
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Love and Swing
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Posted:May 6, 2011 9:33 am
Last Updated:Jan 6, 2012 4:11 am
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Basic question, why do couples swing or play with others? I put it that way because swinging is a little different than just simply playing with others. There are people in the vanilla world that might write it off as a symptom of problems in a marriage, or just looking for someone hotter than the person they're with, but I don't agree with that. One couple I know, I won't mention names, but she is absolutely stunning, he is the hottest guy I know under 6 feet, so, looking for someone hotter than who they are with isn't it. It is obvious to anyone in their presence that they are in love, they look at each other with absolute adoration in their eyes, so marital problems isn't it. I have an incredibly hot husband who loves me, and I love him, yet we each have indulged in ongoing play with others as well. We're not looking to replace the person we're with, we love the person we're with. I know that I enjoy having an open marriage, I'm just looking for the deeper reason as to why I guess. I'm reading The Ethical Slut, as part of my quest in gaining deeper insight into polyamorous relationships, I do recommend it. Question, is it possible to be in love with more than one person at a time? If one is happy with the person they're with, why the need for sexual encounters with other people? I suppose the real question is this... Is monogamy an unnatural state for human beings?
As always I am greatly appreciative of anyone that posts on my blogs. I am always happy to see other's perspective on these various issues - Thank you.
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Vulgarity and Chat
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Posted:May 5, 2011 4:20 am
Last Updated:Jul 30, 2012 11:44 pm
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Is it just me, or did chat become much more off the hook vulgar lately? Is it all just attention seeking behavior? Has it always been this way and I've just become more aware of it now? I'm interested in the opinion of other chatters on this particular issue, and welcome your comments. Thanks
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Testimonials
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Posted:Apr 4, 2011 6:22 pm
Last Updated:Jan 6, 2012 4:13 am
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What does someone write in a testimonial on here? I mean, it is a sex site, so really, do I write how incredible someone is as a person, or do I write something about how mind blowing they are in the sack? It really is a brain cramping thing to write.
If it's a straight man you're writing for, writing their great personality traits in a testimonial is a good thing, because women want to know that they are not meeting up with some psycho. On the other hand, do men really want to know that you're a kind hearted person, or do they want to know you're able to suck a golf ball through a garden hose and ride them like the Kentucky Derby? And then there is the ever complicated bisexual male. Women want to know how nice he is, but is that going to turn off any potential men from being interested in him?
Writing a testimonial on here is really kind of like walking through a minefield. You may write something for a friend that says how much of a gentleman he is, but really he wanted you to write about how he's got a monster cock and how off the hook his skills are. How detailed to you get without sounding vulgar? How nice do you make it without making it sound like a grade school report card comment on his performance?
Anyone else dealt with this issue? Drop me a line.
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To link to this blog (Xenia0natop) use [blog Xenia0natop] in your messages.
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